Search

We Help Most by Who We Are

Often when we are trying to do a kindness for someone it backfires because there is too much of ego in it—too much of self. Trying to be so helpful, we end up blowing it. Many psychotherapy clients have complained to me over the years about the many people who seek to be “helpful” by dispensing off the cuff advice, but doing so without really taking the time to listen and understand the situation fully. Such advice is full of ego—full of the belief that somehow we know more.

Often I have found that I am the most help, both to my clients and friends and family, when I simply try to be present and understand.

One time a friend and I were having dinner. He told me about a certain television story he liked to watch. I didn’t understand what his fascination with that show was, so I asked him what he liked about it. My friend knew that there was no judgment in this, just an effort to understand. The next time we had dinner, he had thought about my question, and realized the show he watched was empty of value. He had stopped watching it.

Just by being present and wanting to understand, I’d helped at least in a small way.

0 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

The Smile of Mahakashyapa

One day the Buddha stood before 1250 monks, help up a flower, and stood in silence. There was a long pause, until one of his students, Mahakashyapa, smiled. The Buddha smiled back and said, “Today I

Return to the island of Self

As he was dying, the Buddha imparted this advice: Take refuge in the island of self. There is no other refuge. For those of us growing up in the western tradition, John Donne’s famous poem, saying th

Are You Bored? Look Again!

While a lot of the time we complain about having too much to do, sometimes we may find ourselves at the other end of the spectrum—feeling bored. Even though we have more ways of distracting ourselves

Screen Shot 2020-12-20 at 7.46.41 PM.png
Screen Shot 2020-12-20 at 7.47.18 PM.png
Screen Shot 2020-12-20 at 7.47.07 PM.png
Screen Shot 2020-12-20 at 7.46.49 PM.png
Screen Shot 2020-12-20 at 7.46.58 PM.png

Books